We talk about sleep as though there is a correct way to do it.

Go to bed at the same time. Sleep for eight hours. Do not wake up. Wake refreshed. Repeat.

And if we can’t do that, our entire lives become topsy-turvy. How did we evolve to be here?

Your Sleep Story May Have Started in Childhood

Have you ever wondered why one person can sleep through an armed robbery while another has trouble falling asleep if someone breathes too loud?

Research suggests that children's sleep develops between biological factors and their family environment, including parental behaviours, beliefs about sleep and stress within the household.

Imagine growing up with an attentive parent who wakes at every cough or cry during the night. A child living in that environment may develop different expectations and behaviours around sleep than a child growing up in a household where everyone sleeps deeply through the night.

That does not necessarily mean a light-sleeping parent causes a light-sleeping child. But our early environment may help shape how we respond to nighttime noises, waking and feelings of safety.

Perhaps some of us have simply learned to remain a little more alert.

Waking Up Doesn't Necessarily Mean You Slept Badly

Modern life has also created a very specific expectation of sleep: go to bed, remain unconscious for eight uninterrupted hours, and wake when the alarm rings.

It fits beautifully around a work schedule.

Human bodies, unfortunately, have never been particularly interested in corporate efficiency.

Waking briefly during the night can happen as we move through different stages and cycles of sleep. The problem often begins when we notice that we are awake and immediately decide:

Oh no. I'm awake again.

We check the clock.

Then the phone.

Then perhaps another notification.

Before long, we are lying in bed calculating how many hours remain before morning.

Light is one of the strongest environmental signals regulating our sleep-wake rhythm. Exposure to light at night can suppress melatonin and affect our body's perception of biological night.

So if you wake at 2.30 am, keep the room dark or use the dimmest light you safely can. Avoid reaching for your phone if possible. Give your body the chance to recognise that it is still nighttime.

You do not necessarily need to force yourself back to sleep. Rest quietly and allow sleep to find you again.

If Your Bladder Keeps Waking You

For some of us, the problem is much less philosophical.

We simply need to pee.

Try reducing drinks during the couple of hours before bedtime and use the bathroom immediately before getting into bed.

That does not mean dehydrating yourself. The idea is simply to change when you drink.

And if you frequently need to urinate several times during the night, particularly if this is a new change, it is worth discussing with a healthcare professional rather than assuming it is merely poor sleep.

Work With Tiredness Instead of Fighting It

A regular sleep-wake schedule is certainly helpful. Our circadian system responds well to regular patterns of light, darkness, activity and rest.

But not everyone has the luxury of a beautifully consistent bedtime.

Shift workers, parents and people working across time zones may have schedules that change constantly.

When perfect consistency isn't realistic, become more sensitive to your own tiredness.

Notice that moment when your eyelids become heavy and your mind starts wandering.

If you are able to sleep safely, take the opportunity.

Sometimes we push straight through that sleepy window because there are only twelve minutes left in the YouTube video, a cliffhanger too intense or one last text to answer.

Then, strangely, we feel awake again.

Rather than constantly demanding that your body become tired exactly when your schedule says it should, start noticing when your body is already asking you for rest.

Building Better Sleep Is a Habit, Not a Test

If you have spent years sleeping irregularly, checking your phone at night or fighting tiredness, don't expect three nights of good behaviour to completely reset everything.

New habits take time.

Look for small improvements.

Perhaps you woke three times instead of five. Perhaps you fell asleep slightly faster. Perhaps you woke during the night but managed not to touch your phone. Perhaps your bedtime has gradually moved from midnight to 11.30 pm.

Those improvements count.

Sleep can become stressful when every night feels like a performance review. Consistency matters, but so does patience.

What About Sleep Aids?

Chamomile, valerian root and ashwagandha are commonly used as natural sleep or relaxation aids.

I prefer to think of these products, where appropriate, as something that may support a bedtime routine rather than something the body must have in order to sleep.

And if drinking a large mug of herbal tea before bed means waking up two hours later for the bathroom, that rather defeats the purpose. A non-liquid formulation may be more practical, provided its ingredients and dosage are suitable for you.

Finally, Uncrumple Your Brain

If your body is tired but your brain refuses to stop thinking, try this simple exercise.

Close your eyes and imagine your brain as a crumpled piece of paper.

Take a slow breath.

With every exhale, imagine the paper gently beginning to smooth itself out.

The folds relax.

The creases soften.

You do not need to solve anything. You do not need to empty your mind. Just keep breathing and smoothing.

Relaxation and guided-imagery techniques can be useful components of healthy sleep routines.

And perhaps that is a useful way to think about sleep itself.

We spend so much time trying to force ourselves to sleep well.

Maybe sometimes the better approach is to understand how we sleep, notice what wakes us, respect when tiredness arrives, and slowly create conditions in which the body feels comfortable letting go.

Good sleep does not have to be perfect sleep.